The Onion, an internet site recognized for its satirical “information” tales, has peeled again the layers of a pizza-related “crime” in a humor piece centered on Pizza Hut CEO Aaron Powell.
The headline asserts that Powell, who took over the CEO place in August 2021, has been “accused of stuffing property into offshore crusts.”
Simply to be clear: It’s a joke, of us.
The Onion story—and, once more, that is satire—refers to a “year-long investigation” by the IRS leading to an indictment that was not too long ago unsealed in federal court docket. The article quotes fictional U.S. Lawyer Asa McDaniels as stating, “We’ve got purpose to imagine Powell has put each firm and private property instantly into crispy, fresh-baked crusts in areas all around the Cayman Islands.”
The satirical article goes on to say that Powell “had hidden hundreds of thousands from the federal government on this means with the intention to keep away from paying taxes on Pizza Hut’s substantial holdings in 100% actual whole-milk mozzarella cheese.”
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Brokers with the U.S. Division of Treasury supposedly “first caught wind of those piping-hot, melty property when Powell’s tax return was suspiciously coated in additional grease than what he was claiming on the varieties,” the article continues. “From there, they discovered the Pizza Hut govt had hid greater than $138 million in fermented dairy merchandise inside a single layer of golden-brown dough in Switzerland.”
Powell “was caught trying to destroy proof by consuming what was left of his Bahamian stash of pepperoni,” the article concludes.
The Onion turns 35 this yr. In keeping with EW.com, the satirical newspaper was based in 1988 by a pair of school college students who offered it off a yr later for $16,000, solely to see it develop into “one of many comedy world’s most revered establishments.”
The Onion is understood for its witty, attention-grabbing headlines, akin to, “Kitten Thinks of Nothing however Homicide All Day” and “Cherished Ones Recall Native Man’s Cowardly Battle With Most cancers.”
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In a 2003 “commentary” piece from The Onion, “Pizza Hut Doesn’t Know What It’s Lacking,” a fictional man lamented, with ill-concealed bitterness, his failed try and get a job with the worldwide chain. “If that different man doesn’t work out, Pizza Hut higher not come crying to me,” the author stated. “I’ve moved on.”
“Good luck discovering one other man like me, Mister Fancy-Pants Greg The Assistant Supervisor,” the article continued. “I hope you bought a superb have a look at me, Greg, as a result of I’m the one which bought away.”
In April 2022, The Onion poked enjoyable at Domino’s with a headline that learn, “Domino’s Below Fireplace for Sharing Pizza Topping Information With Police.” In that satirical piece, a “privateness skilled” complained that Domino’s had “willingly handed over their prospects’ detailed private cheese, meat and crust preferences” to regulation enforcement authorities.
In the actual world, Powell is using excessive at Pizza Hut, because the chain loved a big site visitors increase in late December. The corporate additionally introduced that it set a brand new file for the world’s largest pizza on January 18.